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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005

Subject:myspace is down...
Time:6:18 am.
Mood: cold.
anyway... it's been a while. i comb my body for evidence. Soreness you can see?  only two, but never even expected those. Thank you kind sir.  :)    
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 10th, 2005

Subject:yummy yummy
Time:7:34 pm.
Mood: naughty.
I think i'm going to be bad. I'm "talking" to my X again, hahaha... but simultaneously planning to get with another guy. well at least fuck him. lol oops. i'm confused. I've never been bad. I'm a good girl. :D
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 25th, 2005

Time:4:08 am.
Mood: bored.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||| 30%
Stability |||||||||| 33%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 43%
Altruism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Interdependence |||||| 23%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||||||| 56%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43%
Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||| 23%
Need to dominate || 10%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||| 16%
Change averse |||||||||| 36%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 44%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005

Subject:no fucking clue
Time:9:02 pm.
Mood: contemplative.

Something tells me I should bury you and wipe these tears from my eyes

But something that’s been buried in me tells me to hold on for the ride.

I hate to say that my heart’s never been as heavy as this nor has my mind been this clear

I still find it hard to resist that blade hidden in my fist.

I’m tired of believing everything is set-in-stone and tired of wondering why you call out my name?

Tell me, do you dream of me? I love you more than words can explain but even with all of that my heart still wants to bid you goodbye.

Something’s burning me up inside. Something I believe to be too strong to hide.

Tell me, can you help me out? I seem to be burying myself instead of my precious you. Even under all this dirt everyone still knows where to find me.

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Saturday, July 9th, 2005

Subject:shootin' up anxiety and depression, its being high and coming down all at the same time
Time:4:37 pm.
Mood: drained.

Tragedy of a Broken Dream


Never have my hands shook for the touch of flesh, nor has my ears rang for the smack of that skin-to-skin punching sound as much as they are shaking and ringing right now. My mouth watering for that metal flavor and my lips quivering for the touch of a barrel. My white plaster walls begging for that crimson splash and my unsteady hands and clenched teeth yearning for that razor-blade release, the deep sigh of separating flesh. My brain silently yet relentlessly screaming for a blanket just to anticipate suffocation. My heart crying for warmth from an unknown source. Anyone?  My soul and her death song wailing into the darkness for maybe just even one pin-hole of light. Every part of my body is screaming for something, even my crotch. She’s begging to be pounded beyond recognition. She wants to be bruised; she wants to be sore. Everything and every part, inside and out just wanting to be touched, beaten then cradled.  Somebody’s got my keys and my razorblades. No metal to lock my door and no metal to separate the flesh or to take apart pain from imagination.  Where did the silence go?  That big dumb sheet that muffled the screaming and soaked up the crying? I need to breathe.

© B.L.  ~Laine~

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Thursday, July 7th, 2005

Time:2:56 am.
Mood: crushed.

I'm gonna beat the shit out of the next guy who tells me he's engaged.  

fuck me.  grrr


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Tuesday, July 5th, 2005

Time:1:01 am.
Mood: indescribable.

             It's amazing to me when i finally realize where I'm at.  I've had a lot of feelings over run me just in the past couple days. Old ones, new ones. yummy ones, scary ones. None of them are real and that's the bad part.  I feel like giving into an old addiction. Puncture and drag. close your eyes and feel the blood run down. my body hurts because it's craving, or maybe it's my soul. She doesn't talk to me anymore so i'm not even sure if i still have one.  What happens when the savior becomes your supplier?  Who's gonna save the savior?  I have this incredible thirst for a change at the moment and in all honesty i think thats what i've been waiting for. I'm not sure for how long, but it feels like forever.  I hate being so young, but feeling so old. All of my wasted time is enough to soak up the waters of the world.  My mind is screaming again.  enough for therapy, but not enough to swallow pills, so they say.  I say give 'em to me. I live for that itch, that high scratch, making my heart pound and my face crack a smile.  There's nothing wrong w/that.  Is there? swallow.

My body is hungry, but my stomach is sick. My mind is over-fed while my heart, she's malnourished.  I hate when i know what i have to do and the only thing left to do about it is to just fucking do it.  Here goes nothing. 

Until Later,


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Monday, July 4th, 2005

Subject:awesome song. :)
Time:5:06 pm.
Mood: blank.

this song is always playing in the back of my head...  

"It's All Understood"

               -- Jack Johnson. 

Everyone laughed at her joke
As if they'd never even heard it before
And maybe they were truly amused
But every word that she spoke was a bore
And maybe it's because they had seen
The previews on the TV screen
Well this part is good and that's well understood
So you should laugh if you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

Everyone knows what went down
Because the news was spread all over town
And fact is only what you believe
And fact and fiction work as a team
It's almost always fiction in the end
That content begins to bend
When context is never the same

And it's all relative
Even if we don't understand
And that's well understood
Especially when we don't understand
Then it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

I was reading a book
Or maybe it was a magazine
Suggestions on where to place faith
Suggestions on what to believe
But I read somewhere
That you've got to beware
You can't believe anything you read
But the good Book is good
And that's well understood
So don't even question
If you know what I mean

But it's all relative
Even if you don't understand
Well it's all understood
Especially when you don't understand
And it's all just because
Even if we don't understand
Then lets all just believe

But there you go once again
You missed the point and then you point
Your fingers at me
And say that I said not to believe
I believe
I guess
I guess it's all relative

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:the 4th
Time:4:55 pm.
Mood: irritated.
honestly? are fireworks necessary? i hate that shit... grr.. just pass me the bottle damnit. I got some vitamins to take. :)

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Subject:yeah baby
Time:2:16 pm.
Mood: silly.

*signs* I'm gonna eat ya honey... i'm gonna eat ya baby...

lol... rockin' out to the doors... about to hop in the pool...

maybe... it's fuckin' hot outsdide...   ack


lub me

until later

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Sunday, July 3rd, 2005

Time:3:01 pm.
Mood: contemplative.

Tears that haven't fallen for the heart
that is broken. Where are they? Faith has
disappointed me again, and karma won't
leave me alone. Two decades, the body's
been lonely. Two decades the heart's been
aching. Where's the hand to silent the
screaming? Where's the peace that
suppresses the drinking? A misleading
promise a day makes.
Empty and redundant. I'm drinking to stay
sane to keep my voice at a level of dull
pain. All I can do is watch the disease eat
at me. I can feel it tearing at my heart
with it's razor-blade fingers. I want to
scream to drown the pain, but its my
habitual decorum that's maintaining that
level, that silent ache of dull pain. The
irritating consistency of dull pain. Some
thing I live with. Something I'll die with.


    --  B.L - Laine



just bored.. until later...

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Time:6:24 am.
Mood: horny.
I gotta lot of little tasty pictures going through my head. Too bad that's all they are.

She is forbidden and he does not exist. :(

damn. now i feel lonely too... :(

until later
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Subject:It's been a long long time
Time:5:31 am.
Mood: bored.
It's been a couple years.. lol but i'm still here.. :) it's 5:30 in the a.m. and i'm bored as hell.. :(
I've been doing a lot of nothing and it's starting to tear at my conscience. so Tuesday and i have to get my ass in gear and do everything i've been putting off. *sigh* anyway.

until later
miss me

Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, July 25th, 2003

Subject:Why don't I need me?
Time:7:05 am.
Mood: guilty.
*sighs* alright... good morning... so i'm waitin' on laundary so i can repack cause i leave in a bout 5-6 hours... i'm really not sure.. ack. I think i'm ready.. i have a lot of things to do when i get home. seein' everyone was refreshing, but there's just too much at home right now. I felt kind of depressed being here, but kind of not.. it's hard to explain... all i know is that i learned something... everyone needs me, but me. at least that's how i feel. i don't understand... i feel guilty for leaving. *shrugs* i gotta stop living for everyone else... but i've done it for so long.. it habitual... anyway..

until later
take care
Comments: Read 11 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003

Time:2:12 am.
Mood: horny.
Yay.. haha.. i'm on vacation and i'm staying w/my parents... haven't seen 'em in lil over a year it's real nice seeing everybody i'm excited, but neway... I just got to see a picture of RainE Maida w/his shirt off and now i am just really excited... *phew* he's so damn pretty.. i would fuck the shit out of him... *sighs* eek ... I think im horny now.. damnit not good.. *grr*..
gotta go... bbl
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, March 6th, 2003

Time:6:48 pm.
Mood: thirsty.
long time, eh? anyway... what's up? nothing here just work work work... bleK... I bought evanEscense today... *ROCK ON* heh but yeah i have nothing to say except that uhhh i work to fuckin' much and hopefully i'll get my computer soon.. It's been almost a year since i've been on the damn thing...I'm like PC.. LD now heh anyway.. i miss you all..
lub me

take care
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, July 12th, 2002

Time:8:09 pm.
Mood: bored.
alright... i forgot how much i really disliked peru.. seeing everyone's faces again is great though :)
I miss the internet.. LOL isn't that sad.. so when me and Sari go back home i think that's gonna be on the top of my list... anyway
Florida's good... and we go back... Tuesday.. *WOO* i won't lie i do miss a lot of ppl from here *ahem* peru, but it's just such a change of pace from here to there... and i'm missing my kids[being our cats] and my apartment.. already... anyway..

take care
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Sunday, January 13th, 2002

Time:6:45 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
"I'm just too thick for the comfort of his dick..."
-- Brytt

Until later...
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Monday, January 7th, 2002

Time:8:19 am.
Mood: calm.

I love our lady peace...

Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:... I am made to heal...
Time:7:48 am.
Mood: moody.
Okay, I've been thinking. I haven't had a day off sense before october. Not a full day off, anyway. You know, a whole day where you don't have to go to work at all? Right well I have this morning off, but i have to go to work tonight. Blah. I'm just bitching.


17+9+5=what? umm...31 *oops* heh well i woke up this morning so it couldn't have been that many. :D I have a lot of things to do today. Even when i have a "day off" i still don't have a day off. dang.
Right, well in July we're all going back to Indiana for vacation, isn't that odd? Heh. anyway... I'm excited it's going to be interesting seeing all those "faces" again. We're only going to be up there for five days though.
... just to be truthful... i'm breaking down. Stress is just taking me over. I'm moody and just quiet and depressed and it's all because i feel i have to be happy for everyone else. Fuck that, right? No, it's not that easy because when he's sad, so am I. ... And i mean i can't handle it when he's sad/tired/mad/frustrated. It makes me cry. RainE is god... because he just is... and OLP is my very own self-explanation I need a smoke.
I'm out
Until Later...
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LiveJournal for The Trick.

View:User Info.
View:Website (TragicLaine).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.